Why, Roisin Murphy, why? You could have married a nice young Irishman with a steady job, settled down in a lovely crannog in the swamps of Wicklow, and raised the regulation number of Roman Catholic children (fourteen).
If you wanted to sing, you could have done so in the church choir every Sunday, with your husband's permission of course, before going straight home to put the dinner on for your in-laws.
Or just become a nun.
_If only_
But, no. Instead of doing it the right way, the Irish way, the _Catholic_ way, you refused to return home to God's Country with your parents at age 16. You stayed under the malevolent influence of the Devil English in Sheffield, a godforsaken hellhole if ever there was one, and dedicated yourself to becoming a madwoman.
_A madwoman_
That's right, Roisin Murphy, bad news travels fast. Horrendous news four and a half times faster. We know all about your borderline blasphemy in foreign fields.
We were first scandalized by the abomination against the Lord that was dance-pop duo Moloko. What did you hope to achieve with your live-in-sin lover and producer Mark Brydon, eh? A rise to prominence amongst heathens of all stripes with a slinky funk-house single called _Sing It Back_? If so, congratulations, woman: you're going to Hell when you die.
Or even before so. For the filthy dancing in its promotional video is nothing short of _Jezebellic_. That's not an accusation I throw around lightly, Roisin Murphy. So, to be sure, I watched it on YouTube four hundred and twenty eight times.
_Jezebellic dancing_
Likewise, your first solo album Ruby Blue caused much wailing and gnashing off teeth on your home soil. A combination of sinful 20s jazz and shameful 80s synths that could only be conjured by Beelzebub himself. (Although the credits said Mathew Herbert. Hmm, I wonder.)
As if your boots weren’t big enough, your major label debut _Overpowered_ has just been released to universal acclaim from Godless gobshites the world over. God forgive me, but you make me curse, Roisin Murphy! For this one, you really outdid yourself. Throwing yourself at a huge range of electro-pop producers, from New York, London, and Miami, I ask you. Musical whoring of the highest order!
In fact, how a faithless hussy and her cohorts could possibly be responsible for such a joyous, soulful record, I’ll never know. Did you write the songs yourselves, or did you have help from an honest to goodness Christian musician in creating that truly maverick sound? Hmm, I wonder. I suppose that would be something to confess to your parish priest -- if you had one!
Anyway, that song to your Daddy _Scarlet Ribbon_ had the whole household in tears, you heartless wench. I had the toes nearly tapped off me listening to straight-up disco stompers _Let Me Know_ and _Tell Everyone_. And sure, I almost put my back out jack-jack-jacking my body to angular art house tunes _Dear Miami_ and _Cry Baby_.
The Lord have mercy on your soul.
And now, like Cromwell of old, the British fashionistas are trying to claim a piece of Ireland as their own. They’re calling you the British Bjork and English Madonna (even though Madonna is already the English Madonna, although not a patch on the _real_ Madonna -- Jesus's Ma).
Well, you know what I say to that, don’t you, Roisin Murphy? You sultry-voiced sinner!
Hands off, Brits, she’s feckin' ours!
_Green for Ireland_
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The English can keep Madge they just have to send us Roisin in return. Sorry my Irish brothers and sisters!
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What a world... what a world ;)
Funny you mention "British Bjork" ! I went to see Matt Pond PA on Saturday last & his opening act - Jesca Hoop really reminded me of a Los Angelian Bjork... she's multiplying before our very ears ;P
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sweet post flux, and even sweeter sounds. this is my introduction to murphy and I'm definitely gonna follow this one........ all the way to youtube.......and watch a couple of times..... yeah only a couple!!!
thanks
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oh and, you got any more for our listening pleasure ???
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Flux, you rock.
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hahaha genius
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@ David -
@ Liz - Lucky us, so!
@ Sturgell - Likewise, mate.
@ Dzendvokh - You've probably found the slamming singles on YouTube - _Overpowered_ and _Let Me Know_. So, here's another album track, Parallel Lives. This could easily be single, too. This is the strongest dance LP, song for song, I've heard in many moons.
And here's the vid for _Sow Into You_, my fave from the excellent Matthew Herbert-produced Ruby Blue:
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@ Lady C - Merci.
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My my Flux, what a sexy scolding. You can damn me to hell anytime :)
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Oh Colin, you gave me a good chuckle, my friend.
I knew Moloko (radios spun Sing It Back 572856274563 times here) and they were not exactly my cup of tea, but Dear Miami is bloody fantastic.
That aside, yes, burn the witch, off with her head etc ;)
Oh, and the British can claim me anytime. :P
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FluxC, I couldn't agree more with you on this. It's also a shame that she doesn't get the credit she is owed more often and at an earlier stage in her career. Had her name been been Alison (Goldfrapp) or Tracey (Thorn) I'm sure Róisín Murphy would have had all the accolades she deserves.
Bloody limeys, heh? After this post, I think you deserve to put this picture in outward picture on your MOG.
(I'm glad I didn't do a post about Róisín because it would have been torn to pieces by the eloquence of yours above)
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@ Darla -- Any more of your heathen utterances, woman, and I'll administer the stick.
@ Anna -- Good, 'cause I reckon I owe you a few chuckles, since your posts sometimes make tea explode out of my nose. And, hey, be careful what you wish for, sister!
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@ Micheal -- Me, a Paddy? However did you get that impression, my dear fellow? Good point re Ms Thorn and Ms Goldfrapp. Go on, our nations can share her, so!
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thanks for the extras flux. very nice selection
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haha hilarious. i like the writing angle. and the shots. i'll remember to turn all sultry voiced sinners your way :0
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That was so WONDERFUL... excellent story... thanks for this super post.
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I do believe you've straightened her out Flux. Good job..haha:)
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Get off it! She belongs to the world!!!
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@ Dz - glad you liked 'em.
@ Indiepix -- Ta, the shots come from the e-booklet you get with the mp3 version of the album.
@ Miss Junk -- THANK YOU
@ Chucky -- If she'd behaved herself, it wouldn't have come to this. One can only hope I've put her on the straight and narrow.
@ Mike --
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also, did you know that most of the roisin haters i know are irish folks? it's tough out there!
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Well, we're not the coolest nation in the world, are we?! Also, don't you find we like to wait until the world tells us our artists are good before we embrace them ourselves? National insecurity complex. Hopefully that's changing...
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lol well that's a way to put it ;-) nah, i think it's harder to please the family and when you succeed, it's even worse! tough love grrrr
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Pish posh Colin... I say the Irish are one sweet collective & turn out some of the most creatively brilliant people the world has seen... at least in the literary & musical sense... I also think the Irish are some of the greatest appreciators of the artistic world... how's that a bad thing ??? Who should we consider the coolest nation in the world then, luv ?!? (Not that I have a strong opinion about the Irish & my own heritage here in the states) ;)
(& for the record, Colin... I think the Irish are some of the most beautiful in the world... narry ran into a face when I holidayed there last year that I didn't love... ok, maybe one or two, but that's it). It was an odd feeling, seeing my Pap & the rest of my Mum's side of the family in so many of those faces... never have I felt more at home... can't wait to go back & catch a Stone Roses cover band witcha ;) The first pints are on me & we can discuss ad nauseum this belief that yer not the coolest nation etc !!!
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Jaysus, Lizzie, that's me well and truly straightened out (yer green-tinted glasses notwithstanding!)
Poetic justice, I suppose, considering what's gone before.
And yes, I'll take you up on that offer when you next visit. But which Roses cover band -- there's about 5 of them nowadays?!
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You will be the selector of said Roses tribute that has the honor bestowed upon them as your selected & our attended live show...
no glasses dearest Colin, mine eyes... as green as the greens of Ireland... & skin as burnworthy as any round these parts... (I was the tan-o-meter in grade school... everyone would gauge there color on the fair-skinned me) But before I dropped the glasses for lasik, they were green spectacles for me all the way :)
Can't wait for that first iced pint of Bulmers... I can almost taste it now ;)
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Fascinating and hillarious!!!
Favorites:
"So, to be sure, I watched it on YouTube four hundred and twenty eight times" "We were first scandalized by the abomination against the Lord that was dance-pop duo Moloko." "Musical whoring of the highest order!"
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@ Liz - Hey, iced Bulmers is my favorite drink – it’s a sign! Man, I wonder what you were like before the lasik, you already sound more Irish than the Irish themselves…. & I could probably compete with you on the fair skin, but perhaps more so when I was younger. Thank goodness for global warning, eh?!
@ SD— Hilarious? I mine my soul for serious thoughts, and all you can do is laugh. :0
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My apologies dear, I tend to laugh at the somber. I'm a cruel person indeed. ::wink::
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This is perhaps the most maddenlingly clever post I've encountered yet on MOG - wherever did you find your whimsically brilliant muse? It will probably come as no surprise that I rather relish heathens, madwomen, and 'Godless gobshites' in general, and am thus particularly charmed by the wonderment known as Roisin Murphy - may the Lord have mercy on my soul! Damn those 'British fashionistas' indeed for attempting to lay claim to such a 'Jezebellic' treasure...wait, just remembered that I'm one-half British so, if you will, disregard that last utterance. Appreciate the humourously titillating read Flux; well-done!
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Woah, GC, that's high praise indeed. Ta for the great comment. Heathens, madwomen, and Godless gobshites are my muses, of course! Re. being British -- whisper it, but my great-grandparents are English..shush...
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Flux!!! That was a fantastic post, as always. It was very funny, and I REALLY like her music! I'm goin' to the record store today, and now I have a shopping list!
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Hey Lyrical -- thanks for the kind comments, as always! I hope the latest album is out in your neck of the woods, not sure of North American release dates. If you can't track ti down, let me know and I'll put it up on M.
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Flux, i have no words. (but i can spare 5 stars.)
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I couldn't find it at the record store, but iTunes says Ruby Blue is out here, so I'll have to order it. By the way, your MOG profile is sick! There's been lots of new features added to MOG since I've been away. I must get back in the swing of things. I've been writing my concert recap of the Dropkick Murphys show I saw a month ago on and off for a while. I really need to wrap that one up.
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good lord, what a brilliantly funny post. Cheers, flux!