A couple of months ago, my cousin called me up saying he'd heard I'd started a music blog ("MOG," I told him; "they're called MOGS"), and asked where he could find it. I wasn't at the computer at the time, and couldn't recall the URL, so I just told him to Google "zarpex," on the assumption that - surely - there would be no other appearance of such a preposterous word.
But I got to wondering - what would he actually find with a search for that name? So I dragged the cursor into the Google box that now appears in every web browser, typed in "zarpex," and pressed the return key.
There is a "Zarpex Biosciences, Ltd." in Scotland. Fair enough. But it turned out there's another "Zarpex," in something called the Urban Dictionary (theirs has a capital Z). It's defined as: "A homo. A lover of horses. (In a very bad way.)"
Oh dear.
The name "zarpex" came from a short play my daughter was asked to write in elementary school, some time roughly ten years ago, maybe a little less. She was having trouble coming up with an ending, and asked me for help. I looked it over and recommended she go for the absurd. In the truest deus ex machina tradition, I suggested it end with the unexpected appearance of "ZARPEX THE SPACE GOD," who kills everyone. The end. Fans of Emo Phillips among you, by the way, may recognize this as a lift of his "Zorkon the Space God."
But I know it predated the Urban Dictionary entry, which is given as 2004. I don't know when Zarpex Biosciences, Ltd. was founded, but I don't really mind that one. How long would it be, I wondered, before someone Googled "zarpex"? How many might already have done so, and be looking at me askance?
It was Universalis, about a week ago, in a comment on my post about Nancy Wilson's "How Glad I Am," who announced the findings. The tone was playful and lighthearted, and it went without remark among the subsequent comments, to my relief. I wasn't so much worried that anyone would really imagine that I was sexually attracted to horses as that they might think my sense of humor so crude and vulgar as to have chosen such a name, or that it would provide a subject for mockery too easy and tempting for some to resist, like being named "Egbert" or something in third grade.
"That which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet," Juliet argued. And they would, too, but they would no longer be welcomed as tokens of love if they were called "horse-@#$*&ers." What must my cousin have thought when he Googled it?
So just for the record: I didn't pick that name because I'm a fan of Zarpex Biosciences, Ltd., or because I like sex with horses. But I picked it, and I'm too proud of what I've written under it to change it. It might yield some funny wisecracks, though, so tee it up and crush it.
Oh; and isn't this a great song?
My Trusted MOGs
a most entertaining post, zarpex. good of you to address the name confusion, though i will admit that i wasn't aware of the horsef&*king meaning...now when I see your name i will think of horses. lovely, lovely song!
My Trusted MOGs
Bless yer sweet heart, Brit. : )
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heh, cheers.
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Wasn't aware of that at all, but good of you to clear that up beforehand. Thanks. . Tee it up and crush it. Naw, too easy. . So, this is the second bit you've recently posted about you helping your young daughter write a story for school that ended with someone killing everybody else. If I was going to pick on you...
My Trusted MOGs
Not to worry Z, lots more to be concerned with besides lurking bestiality :) Just stay away from them sheep mate. A nice tune fer sure!
My Trusted MOGs
I saw Universalis's comments but thought it wiser not elaborate upon it. -- I've never used zarpex as a derogatory term in my life or as synonym for horse-lovers.
Beside, being a horse lover isn't necessarily a bad thing. Think about the Houyhnhnms so dear to Gulliver. To be a horse-lover is a mark of enlightenment. ;)
My Trusted MOGs
Run with it. You make that name your bitch and don't let go. I won't even begin to tell you what you used to get when you googled my name. I've made a zillion posts under this moniker now that most of the first results are only me related. I've had some people who are horrified but I live with it. This song is awesome but it's equally heelarious and creepy with this post.
My Trusted MOGs
Okay, maybe one.
My son Baylor has a name that is fairly unique.
It means 'horse trainer' in Welsh.
What that has to do with your animal fixation .... I dunno.
My Trusted MOGs
No comment. Muhahhaahhaa. No Comment.
My Trusted MOGs
I had no idea.....now I do, which might actually work against you. Thank you for clearing and mudding things up ;)
My Trusted MOGs
that is one fine horse there Anna...haha
Z-har -> I too have been mistaken for a homo of some sorts...when my wife googled my real name, that you will have to recall from a mogmail in the past -> apparently a few of the sites stated "__ ___ woke up gay" (my real name being in the blanks) and I was surprised, I woke up gay and didn't even know it! Needless to say, she did not go into the XXX site it brought up...Another was a teenager with my name out in the mid west USA who organized a plot and executed 5 or more murders, he was the ringleader of the bunch ->
alright so now I'm a veryrecently gay homo-cidal manic! haha, yeah that was a good pun eh?
3rd, I was a native american indian who was hanged in the late 1800's for the supposed murder of 2 white men...
now I'm a recently gay, long-dead, murdering indian teenager...
Wow, everyone who has my real name turned out to be a real jackass, JUST LIKE ME!
He is sooooo HOT!
My Trusted MOGs
° ° ° ""The tone was playful and lighthearted, and it went without remark among the subsequent comments, to my relief.""
I mentionned the Bioscience thing because i wondered if a "Zarpex" was a created biohuman (and you were the 1st live test sample :))) still playful i gave a go to a few online dictionnaries and got only this answer about horses "lovers"... got no idea of this possible meaning before i searched it.
Didn't meant to raise a hell about it, well, hope now anyone knows about it and that any further comments will remove 10 zarpex points out of their poster's account :))
Sorry for the embarassment, but happy you've noticed it was playful and lighthearted, nothing personal ;))
My Trusted MOGs
HORSE LOVER'S ANNONYMOUS
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When asked about the subject, just say nay.
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John -> funny, I almost didn't catch the humor...
Z-har -> AHHH, Tyler's on the Horse Tit! AHAHAHAHA
My Trusted MOGs
I built this place up from nothing. I toiled night and day for years. I created a profitable business, provided hundreds of people with good jobs. Do they call me zarpex the entrepreneur? No.
I volunteered to serve my country during war. I fought in front line combat for two years. I was awarded the purple heart and two medals for courage. Do they call me zarpex the soldier? No.
I came home and wrote three novels, two plays and a memoir. I won the Drama Critics' Circle Award, I won the Citation of Literary Excellence, I was nominated for the Pulitzer. Do they call me zarpex the author? No.
You @#($* ONE HORSE...
waydutch: Technically, only the creation (or pilfering from Emo Phillips) of Zarpex the Space God was for her school; the other was for a 'zine. But what; you got something against the end of mankind?
scot: Sheep! Good heavens, what do you take me for!?
Bart: Now there's a modest proposal.
fistula: Nice to meet you. I don't know how you did it, but you're right; page after page, I can find nothing humiliating about your name on Google, at only the cost of creating hundreds of other sites to camouflage its meaning, and the erasure of knowledge that might be of value to actual scholars. Does it seem as unlikely to everyone else that I chose my name with no idea it had other meanings as it seems to me that you did? Consider yourself zarpex-Endorsed™.
Chris: Funny. My first name is Welsh for "dung field." Seriously.
Anna: Well, anything for some attention, right? : )
Tyler! At least you're not Gregor Samsa. But posting those pictures was colt-hearted of you. You know, I just broke up with my girlfriend of ten years, and she's suing me for palamino.
Universalis: I Googled "Universalis," hoping to find some some way to turn the tables on you. It has about twenty different associations - all of them cool. Mathematical, spiritual, academic, theological...
Jonh: Three hundred and fifty yards, dead center of the fairway. 9-iron to the green.
My Trusted MOGs
What your other first name?
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You'll never learn Welsh if I just crib you all the answers, Chris...
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Is is so true.
We had a Welshy on MOG for awhile, don't know what happened to him.
Did you know that the one of the longest place names is Welsh?
Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch and it means
"St Mary's church in the hollow of the white hazel near to the rapid whirlpool and the church of St Tysilio of the red cave"
Baylor has no 'blood' connection to Wales. Do you?
Has that for extra credit?
My Trusted MOGs
Hey! I thought Zarpex was an Emperor of some unknown galaxy.
This track you've put up i dare say is something else.
I actually liked it from the get go...
Which catches me off guard because sheesh it sounds....
What's the word???
I think bonkers is what i was looking for...